Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
