There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
