so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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