Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
