if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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