For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
