I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
