Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
