sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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