He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
