he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
