if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize