like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
