i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
