Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize