and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
