I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
