She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
