Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
