They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
