Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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