i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
