I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
