Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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