all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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