Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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