I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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