Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
