My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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