soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
