just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
