The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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