So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
