There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
