is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
