Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am mentally ready for anal.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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