why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
