if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize