I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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