I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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