I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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