Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
