and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize