Soap is not a condiment
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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