I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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