why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
