So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
