Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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