oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he shaved USA in his pubs
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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