thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
