2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
