I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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