So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
