I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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