My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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