I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
