super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
