Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
if i died would you start the facebook group?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
