so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
