Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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