Me. At least after what I've been through.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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