What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
