A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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