I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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