I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
