Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
