I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I lost the right to judge tonight
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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