A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
