Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
