im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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