i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
