hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had to cum in my sink.
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