I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
