There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
