K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize